This is the sort of shit I get up to on a Saturday **updated**

For context, Mark is my best friend, author of What I Didn't Say (Yet); this was our earlier convo:

Mark:  Do you know there's a 'tone check' feature on the latest version of OutLook - to ensure you don't cuss out your boss, when you don't mean to.

 me:  What if you do mean to?

Does it help you select better expletives?

I can see it now, a little paperclip pops up...

 Mark:  Then, much like spell check - when you use 'ain't' or 'bling', you ignore it.

 me:  "I see you've used 'fuck' five times in one paragraph.  Would you like me to help you find alternate curse words?"

Doucherocket.

 Mark:  LOL yes, actually - it suggested that I was being terse in saying - 'just change the font and move the paragraph'.

I like 'douche-rocket'; it sounds like a very active noun.

 me:  That's terse?  Its tone-checker works about as well as its grammar checker.

 Mark:  And really, don't we all benefit from an expletive thesaurus from time to time?

Indeed.

 me:  The wonderful thing about douche is that it can be attached to virtually any other noun and BAM! instant insult.

Douchecanoe, doucherocket, douchebag, douchechihuahua.

 Mark:  I want to find out what rude is, so I'm going to send myself a scathing email. 

Sunday morning update, mil gracias a Borepatch: