Oh, I get the underlying advice here: Don't whine and complain about things that really don't matter. Don't bitch just to bitch. Don't run down a good man just to have something to say. But that's not what this says, and what it says is just really bad advice.
Here's a lesson I learned the hard way (and painfully): no one is served by putting on a front. I'm nowhere near the only woman who rearranged the deck chairs as her marriage was sinking. No worries, Ladies and Gents, we're just taking on a wee bit of water. This ship is unsinkable, remember. Yeah.
Let me be clear here, I got loads of support when things went toe-up and the water closed in. But you know what? I could've used some help back when the iceberg was just barely visible on the horizon, just to help me get my own head straight, and if I had asked for it, I have no doubt I would have gotten it, and likely would have wound up in a much better situation than I was back in Sept '07.
I'm nowhere near the only woman who has done this, by the way. Not airing your dirty laundry is a lesson passed down from mother to daughter over the generations. You ever known of a woman who just up and left out of the blue? Of course you have; just about everybody's extended family has one of 'em. Thing is, it really wasn't out of the blue; she was just following the advice in the above picture.
Sometimes marriages can be saved, if someone speaks up before they hit the 'berg. Counseling each other to STFU doesn't make that a likely outcome.
5 comments:
I thought I would glue this to the inside of my wife's glasses...guess I'm glad I didn't.
Like we always said back when I was still doing the Navy thing, a Happy Sailors a Bitching Sailor...when my wife complains, it let's me know she is still paying attention.
I think the slip of paper should have read: "Don't paint your fingernails with Whiteout. Ever."
Maybe the strength of my marriage is that my wife slags me at the drop of a hat. ;-)
And does the lady in the picture use White Out for nail polish?
Sabra,
I think there is a difference in asking for help or advice and talking bad about someone.
The main thing I see is people are very quick to say "X is the problem; (s)he does Y".
One of the things that has helped with my marriage is we tend to focus on the self "I need to learn how to deal with X when (s)he does Y".
I think the aspect of who we are expecting to change makes a difference.
This advice assumes the wife talks about her husband. Or even thinks about him...
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