Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A partial list of sins I am currently committing (or have recently)

The drama llama has reared its ugly head again.  It seems my beloved is on his way to hell on account of not liking Taylor Swift.  But it's okay, because several relatives are praying for him.  Given that he was copacetic with everybody before I came along (most likely because they never noticed him), I have come to the inevitable conclusion that I'm carrying him off to hell.  In order to help along their prayers a bit, I figured I'd give a listing of recent sins so that they can be detailed to the Lord while they're asking Him to save my husband:

  • The t-shirt I am wearing is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.  (Leviticus 19:19)
  • The croissant sandwich I ate at Jack in the Box this morning contained ham (Lev 11:7)
  • I sulked and complained to my husband and daughter instead of telling the neighbors to quit playing loud music in front of my bedroom window (Lev 19:17)
  • I refuse to eat my steaks cooked any way other than rare (Lev 19:26)
  • I guess at how much I weigh most of the time (Lev 19:35)
  • I did not take a lamb and a dove to church after Marie's birth (Lev 12:6)
  • I curse my mother on a somewhat regular basis.  I am told, in fact, that my very first sentence was "Goddamn you," directed toward her. (Lev 20:9, etc)
  • I ate leavened bread last night, during Passover (Lev 23:6)
  • I not only did stuff last Friday night/Saturday afternoon, I made my kids do their chores too (Deu 5:14)
  • I'm divorced (Matt 19:8; 1 Cor 7:10)
  • The last time I went to church, I did so with my head uncovered (1 Cor 11:5)
  • I have led prayer during the service before (1 Cor 14:34)
I could go on, I am certain.

Things like this frustrate me.  I'm not the best Christian out there.  But far be it from  me to proclaim someone else's lack of salvation.  We are all sinners, and as the list illustrates, pointing out sins can get nit-picky and downright ridiculous--did you know the Bible requires you to not eat the fat in brisket?  

Didn't Jesus say something about a mote and a plank, too?

Also: judgmental Christians who make it a point to tell others they're not doing the whole worshiping Christ thing correctly?  HUGE reason so many people are nonobservant.  


Riebee said...

best post yet!

Charlene said...

This is true. SMILE

TBeck said...

See, that's why I like being an Episcopalian. It's like Roman Catholic Lite; all the pomp without the Pope. Now dump another spoonful of incense on that thurible!

Plus, I enjoy the funny looks I get when I tell people that my grandfather was a priest.

Anonymous said...

Yep. I am severely tempted to tell certain family members that perhaps they need to pray for themselves and mention what the Bible says about praying in public. Let me go search my e-mail address book...

kx59 said...

If all the items in you list are sins, I am totally boned.
Eating the fat from brisket? Really?
The bar seems to be set rather high.
I'm in that group that shuns organized religion. That is not to say that I don't believe, but I've seen first hand way to many church members, pastors and priests commit all of the seven deadly sins in a single meeting. If you are going to lead me, walk the walk, don't talk.