Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
This one is actually pretty difficult for me. Hate is a strong word, and while I don't think it's one you shouldn't use in regard to yourself, the truth is I actually like myself rather well. It hasn't always been this way, of course, but right now I'm actually pretty content.
But there's something.
What do I hate? My lack of follow-through. I imagine this is something everyone struggles with to some extent, at least some of the time. But it seems epic for me. Nature or nurture, I couldn't say, but it's the truth that pretty much all of my family is chronically lazy, save for when it comes to trying to game the system. And since I have no interest in, say, claiming disability, that means I'm lazy pretty much all the time.
And this means that I'm really nowhere in life. I had a dream the other day that I realized suddenly that my 15-year high school reunion was coming up, and I had nothing to show for it. In reality, that reunion will be next year some time, but the truth is I still have nothing to show for it.
The only thing I've ever really wanted to be in life was a mother. And I am one. I love my kids.
But being a stay-at-home mom, even one who is simultaneously a college student, doesn't really help economically. I need to change something.
I learned to fear change as a child. It was never good. And every time something promising loomed in the future, it fell through. Which is a trend that has continued into my adulthood, by the way.
So a lifetime of this has left me sort of paralyzed when it comes to doing big stuff.
I have a short story sitting here on my computer. It's really freaking good. It's urban fantasy, with the main character from the novel I should be working on. It's 7K words, which is pretty chunky for a short story, but I can't pare it down anymore without losing some important stuff. I have a magazine identified for it...but it's just sitting there. See, if I don't send it out, I can't be rejected. I can still be considered a great writer by my small circle of friends, rather than a mediocre one by a larger audience. So it sits. And I am not happy with myself that it sits, but as of right now I'm too scared to submit it.
And yeah, I hate that about myself.