Friday, July 30, 2010


I’ve been kicking around a couple of different posts; I’m going to type them up and publish one today & schedule the other for tomorrow.  Today’s bitchfest is of a purely personal nature; come back tomorrow for a more general rant.

The ex is behind on child support still.  From what the girls said this weekend, he may or may not have lost and found yet another job.  For all that he was supposedly a union sheet metal worker, he’s now apparently working as an electrician.  A wee bit o’ research shows the former make roughly $11/hr on average, and the latter $10/hr, again on average.

And yet somehow he cannot manage to pay the child support he was never behind on back when he made $8/hr?  Slightly over six hundred dollars a month is too rich for his blood?

I do not get it.  In comments to my post about self-respect, TOTWTYTR said that, in his experience, “sudden changes in work or personal habits along with a sudden case of the poors, often indicates a new found love for recreational drugs.”  That may be the case.  It would also explain his bizarre loyalty to the hobo girlfriend over his kids.

But it pisses me off anyway.

He has stepped up visitation slightly, taking the girls 2-6pm on Saturdays & 11am-6pm on Sundays.  I make it a point to feed them before they leave, but they still should not be coming home hungry.  His girlfriend sure as shit shouldn’t be leaning her seat back on my oldest daughter because she has a stomachache from the lunch Robert bought her.

Digest that for a minute.  My kids are coming home hungry because their dad isn’t feeding them when they’re together, because he’s not hungry because he’s taking his girlfriend out to lunch before picking them up.  Which means he could be taking them sooner, but he’d rather have the time alone with her (apparently, all the time they have together during the week just ain’t cutting it).

Erik came home from work earlier in the week and I mentioned something to him about needing to send copies of Linda’s doctor bills to Robert, since the divorce decree makes him solely responsible for all medical bills incurred while they don’t have insurance (which he is required to provide for them).  He looked at me and said, “I just realized I’m supporting those kids more than he is.”

Look, I realize that is par for the course for stepfathers.  You marry a woman who has kids, you make them your own.  You provide the roof over their heads.  You provide their food.  You tuck them in at night and cuddle with them in the morning.  You kiss the scrapes, spank the butts, dry the tears.

That doesn’t excuse the other guy.  You know, the one who made them?  Who is supposed to maintain a relationship with them and keep on being their father.  (See: Ambulance Driver & KatyBeth.) 

You’re not supposed to pick them up later because you want to spend the extra time with your girlfriend.  You’re not supposed to not buy them lunch ‘cause you already spent the money on her.  You’re sure as hell not supposed to work under the table or lie or whatever the fuck to avoid having your child support taken out of your paycheck.

Especially not if you sanctimoniously announced to their mother, as you were leaving her, that you could either be a good husband or a good father, but not both, and so you were leaving her in order to be a better father. 

You do that, and you’re not a man, period.  Hell, you just barely qualify as a human being.


Dave said...

Not trying to toss salt on the wound, but if someone takes up residence at Haven for Hope, aren't they at least getting some of your tax dollars? If he can't pay child support, he could at least cover your share of his stay at the Haven.

JD said...

I vote with TOTWTYTR - sounds like he is picking up a new problem habit. . .