Actions have consequences.
Read that. Read it again. Let it absorb slowly into your conscious.
We learn about cause & effect at a young age. Stick your fingers into a glass of water, they get wet. Run towards the street, and Mommy flips out and probably spanks you.
Gets a little more subtle as we get older, but not much. Don't study, don't pass the test. Miss the application deadline, go to your second-choice college. Have sex, get pregnant. Join the Navy, learn the joys of beauracracy.
Here's one some of my nearest & dearest are having a problem with lately:
Leave your wife, see your kids a lot less often.
Yeah, there are some custodial fathers out there. But not many. There are some parents out there with a true 50/50 custody arrangement. But not many. Standard visitation, as explained by my lawyer, is every other weekend, maybe one night during the week, & some school holidays plus a few weeks in the summer.
Rob gets the girls Friday mornings, gives them back to me Sunday evenings. (Four and a half hours till I pick them up again! Yay!)
He's complained to me a few times about only getting them three days a week, two of which he generally works. His boss told him he can have a job & support his kids, or he can stay at home with his kids and not have a job.
I told him, "You know I love you but you made your choices and there's not anything else I can do to help you."
Consequences, boys. Consequences.
6 comments:
I've noticed that there are a LOT of folks out there that have to learn things the hard way. In fact, when it comes to relationships, it seems most have to...
Good thoughts are with ya, darlin'. And especially with your kids!
I hope you're doing as well as can be expected with all the crud you've had to put up with.
Keep writing.
You pay your money you take your chances. He took his chances.
All the legal stuff aside, there is no law (or ruling) that says that you can't work with him to allow him more time to visit.
Your kids are young. You have a lot of years to deal with their father. Yes, he left you and yes, he technically gets what is coming to him; if he ever treats you bad or does stuff to piss you off, then by all means, don't give him a minute more than he legally is allowed.
But he still remains the father and your kids will watch not only how he acts toward you the mom, but how you act toward their father.
Something to consider. Some day you are going to want to go on a date. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to let the kids go visit dad wall you go have a nice time?
Dave, I've actually tried to get him to see his kids more often. He refuses to do anything outside the court order. I'm hoping that he'll loosen up some once the dust settles. Nothing would make me--or the girls--happier than if he saw them daily, & I have told him as much.
Do you think that the KFed/Britney divorce and custody disputes will change the way fathers and mothers get custody in America?
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