Sunday, September 08, 2013

Never have I ever...

Man, I don't know what the appropriate follow-up to the last post would be, so I'm just going to roll with something that caught my eye in the newspaper today:

Never done that? Readers respond

The damned thing is in a slideshow format, so apologies in advance.  Here are a handful that amused me for whatever reason, along with some commentary so I can pretend like this is a real post:

I never learned how to ride a bicycle! I was the eldest of 13 and buying me a bike was not on the priority list. — Sylvia Guzman
I never learned either.  I think I've mentioned it here before.  My mother couldn't ride a bike, so she just kind of shoved one in my general direction when I was a little kid and I was left to my own devices.  It didn't work out. 

I’ve lived in Texas since the 1970s and I’ve never eaten chicken fried steak. On principle. I’ve always thought it was weird. — Whitney Bischoff

Erh?  He (she?) is really missing out!

I will be 86 in December and I have never had a professional pedicure! I always thought they cost too much, and never thought I had time. Have I really missed something special? — Joy Morgan 

I've never done that, either.  Nor do I intend to.  A stranger touching my feet? Eek!

I have never pumped my own gas. My husband has always believed in keeping a full tank of gas and if he knows I’m going out he makes sure I have a full tank. — Betty Flores 
I think this is fairly common for women of a certain era, no?  I had to hop out of my car once at Sam's Club to help the lady in front of me get her gas cap off.  She explained it away as the vehicle being new, but she really seemed totally clueless about the process.  Do these women quit driving once their husbands die?

In my 70-plus years I have never eaten a Twinkie. I am a chocolate junkie. Twinkies can come and go, but chocolate will be here forever. — Connie Fuller
 I love Twinkies nearly as much as I love chocolate.  Probably why I weigh over 200lbs at the moment.

I have never tweeted. I have never eaten a corn dog. Why? I have personal philosophies regarding tweeting and corndogging. — Jacqueline Jordan 
 I'll admit it.  This one is here just for "corndogging."

I have never used an ATM. I find the concept of acquiescing to being a conscripted, unpaid employee difficult to swallow. The teller can give me my money in any denomination I want. It keeps the teller with a job. — Mary Ann Dove 
For some reason, this one comes off...elitist to me.  As though Ms. Dove feels herself too good to use an ATM.  I'm reasonably sure that's not how it's meant.

I have never gotten a speeding ticket. I got my license when I was 16 and I’m now 63. I’ve been stopped twice but both times I was let go with a warning. — Jeanette Hilbig 
 Hmm.  Is Hilbig so common a name in this town I should think she was warned because of the kindness of the officer's heart and not some relationship to former ADA and judge Steve Hilbig?   Sure...

I have never had a TV in my bedroom, I thought that room was for sex and sleeping only. — Erika Hall
 As I told my husband, she is probably the smartest woman in the Express-News today.  Though I can't say I've never had a TV in my room.

I’ve never been tubing for four reasons: 1. I look horrible in a swimsuit; 2. I get blistered after five minutes in the sun; 3. I’m too old; And most importantly, 4. I can’t swim. — Dorene Tyler 
 I can't swim either, but when I was a kid for some reason I did not let that stop me from tubing.

I’m a 62-year-old male, moved to Texas when I was 12, yet I have never owned a truck, shot a gun, or wore a pair of boots. — Jim Nichols 
We're all a bunch of stereotypes here.  Except this dude.

Gum. It’s a rubbery substance the likes of which has never passed through my two lips. Ever. No spearmint sticks. No tongue tingling tape. And nary a rainbow colored gumball. In my 40-plus years, I’ve not even once Hubba Bubba-ed. Oh, I’ve been offered. But I’ve always politely refused. Not interested. Forgive me, gum. It’s nothing personal. You blow your way and I’ll blow mine. — Leslie McCrary 
If only they were all this amusing!

Since I moved to San Antonio in 1996, I have never driven on Loop 410 or I-35. With the help of a Ferguson Map Book, I have found my way to all the places I have wanted to go without using these very crowded roads. — Julia Espeland 
 I think I had my license for three years before using the freeways.  I think it's great that she's avoided them since she obviously doesn't want to drive on them, and I really wish more people would learn alternate routes rather than just driving 45mph on them.  However, I find her pick of "very crowded roads" a bit odd, given that vast swaths of 410 are often nearly traffic-free (particularly when compared to I-35!), and if you've ever been on US 281/I-37 anywhere near rush hour, you know it's plenty crowded for much of its length through the city.

I’ve been to 49 of our 50 states, but I think I’ll stop there. It just seems more interesting to have this on my tombstone: “He never went to Delaware.” — Travis Evans
 Poor Delaware.

1 comment:

Dave said...

You blow your way and I’ll blow mine. — Leslie McCrary

Personally, I think she has the better tombstone idea.