Monday, October 17, 2011

I hate shopping...

Last post aside, I'm not much of a shoe person. I put shoes on only when I absolutely have to. I find use for only four pairs of shoes: chanclas (sandals) for everyday wear in the summer, which is most of the year; tennis shoes for the gym, a pair of heels for dressing up, and a pair of boots for the winter.

I last bought boots back in the winter of 1999, the first year I was married. Paid $20 at Wal-Mart for heel-less black, knee high boots. They outlasted my marriage: I wore them up until last year, when the soles finally started detaching. As I paid so little for them, & last year was such a mild winter, I didn't see any point in having them re-soled. I've had the better part of a year to dread replacing them. We finally have the money now to do so, and so I have been a woman on a mission.

I HATE shopping. I hate everything about it. I am short-waisted. I have stumpy little legs that guarantee even petite cut pants will drag on the floor. I gained some weight from stress eating & so now am a size 19...Only, a size 19 doesn't actually exist, so I get to either wear a too-small 18 or a too-large 20. My waist measurement is twelve inches smaller than my hip measurement. I also wear--I only wish I was making this up--a size 42H bra. Not only is that size next to impossible to find, it means I really can't wear button-down shirts.

In the past 24 hours, I've actually conquered almost all my bogeymen. I have two pairs of jeans sans gaping waistbands or dragging hems. I have a nice button-down white shirt that, in spite of being two sizes too large, does not swim on me. I even have not one, not two, but THREE bras that a) are my size, b) don't look like they belong on Robin Williams and c) were bought in the store. Trust me, it's monumental.

The one thing remaining? Boots. See, I have boot issues. Since the boots are for daily wear and I find pain fun only in certain circumstances, I need flat-heeled boots. Since they will be my ONLY boots, they need to be neutral. Since I sub boots for dress shoes on a regular basis, they have to be at least goth-nice. And, although it's not absolute necessity, the whole vanity thing makes me really want knee-high boots...And therein lies the rub. My calves are big--16" circumference, to be exact. It's not fat, either, it's genetics & muscle. And my penchant for four- to six-mile-long walks.

I don't know what a "normal" female calf measures. I honestly do not care. I like the way I look. I just hate finding this great pair of boots that is perfect in every way, and is my size, but won't go on up my calf. Worse yet are the ones that zip up the sides and almost fit...but for that last eighth of an inch or so. Bitter, bitter disappointment, I tell you.

To make matters worse, I am glasses-shopping. With pipe dreams of glasses in an hour (have I mentioned I'm very close to legally blind, if I'm not there already?), I went to two different stores today. I don't want much, just cat's eye frames without the little nose-pieces, & not too small. Easy, right? Not so much, apparently. The one place had only two choices and they were both too small; the other one, the frames cost $159+.

I guess it's time for me to give up & go to Wal-Mart for glasses and to Cavender's for a pair of ropers.


I might just buy myself another pair of stupidly high heels just to make myself feel better.

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