Last week, I realized it was one year since I had my miscarriage. I'm mostly okay now. I don't flip out every time I hear the song "Evangeline." The pipes seem to be working as they should, though of course I'm not in a position to get pregnant again.
But sometimes it still gets me. Four pregnancies, three babies. I cannot completely ignore the fact that I'm short one baby. Bobbie and I were on the bus last week, and there was a baby girl there just about the age that my baby would have been if I hadn't lost it. Bobbie said something about she wished I had a baby girl like that.
Anyway, I was thinking about this year versus last, have been since the 9th of this almost-gone month (since that's when Rob left me). This time last year I wasn't being allowed to see my kids. I had no real hope. It was easily the blackest place in my life, and I haven't exactly had a past filled with rainbows and puppies.
Now I'm sitting here and things aren't precisely wonderful, but they're pretty damned good. I'm getting somewhere. The kids are on their way back from Dad's as I type. Rob just texted me to let me know they're on their way, in fact. Which is a huge improvement from 99% of last year, when he'd send my calls to voice mail consistently. (And no, I wasn't calling him every hour either.)
My Ethics midterm is Monday. That means I'm close to halfway through my first semester of college. I'm on my way, God willing and my brain working, to an ADN. One of these days, and not in the distant, unseeable future, I will be financially secure. Two, maybe three years, and I will be able to pay my own way in this world. (I know I'm not going to be rich, but we don't need much.)
Only a McCain win could make things better...